by Kristina Ambler
I have to confess this is a really hard post to write. I have left this very last-minute and, walked away from my computer a number of times in the hope that something else to write about may miraculously appear. This was not the case so bear with me.
This week has been beyond awful. It started with the news that a friend lost her 3 year battle to cancer, leaving behind 2 young boys, a husband and an army of broken friends and family behind.
Even though naturally I tend to see the lighter side of a situation I sat at the funeral for the first time in a very long time in full devastation and so heavy.
Everything I believed, all the good in the world, the wisdom of the body, love conquers all etc had been sucked down in the dark hole that I was sitting in.
Nothing made sense anymore. Nothing. All I felt was despair.
The despair began with my own emotions although the majority of it was for my beautiful friends family, husband and 2 beautiful sons.
The feeling of loss was overwhelming.
It then shifted to a feeling of guilt, guilt that I hadn’t called her in those last few weeks and then the guilt that after the funeral I was lucky enough to be getting in the car to go back to my own family. I had so many emotions all mixed up and I wanted them all just to go away.
The issue here is that I know with feelings and emotions for them to begin to heal and go away, you have to do just that, FEEL THEM.
So I did, I got to my car and I cried, and cried and I cried, howled, and let as much as I could out.
Our emotional body is outside of us, so for the healing to begin the first step is to get your emotions OUT!
It is about sitting in your emotions and listening to what you may need.
NB Sometimes what we think we need ie just to feel better and move on, may not be what we need.
ie Taking time out just for you to do nurturing loving things for yourself.There is no time limit on grief. And as you are a beautiful unique human being , so too will be your own unique experience.
We all have different things that we may be grieving.
The key is to get support.
You may have a feeling or a belief that you don’t want to burden people with your problems, although it is essential for your healing.
Sharing the loss of your burden does make it easier and lighter to carry.
Tell your story…….. you are oh so worth being listened too.
Isn’t this the whole point…….. to feel love , connection and feel supported?
I have to believe this, we are not meant to be doing it alone, the good stuff or the bad stuff. We are meant to be doing it together.
So my beautiful friend Tara Samantha Tobin, my healing began the day of your funeral.
I will feel sad and miss you terribly, although I will not allow the death of you to be the highlight of my memories. I will remember your kind heart and all the good you brought to the everyone around you and it will inspire me to do the same.
For further information on lung cancer awareness month and to check out what the symptoms are see link:
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